1:47 P.M. 2/10/15

I look at myself and I think that I'm not enough.

More often than not I find I am comparing myself to those around me who am I close to, who I don't know, who I wish I did... I find so many little things wrong with myself and every time I look at someone I notice what they have that I don't.

The thing is though, I don't begrudge them that. I applaud when people are capable of doing things they strive for and I am happy for the skills that others feel they can express and exude but I do notice when I don't measure up.

I find myself envious of some of my closest friends, especially those I think are similar to me. There are some individuals who have skills that reflect mine but when I look at them I notice how much better they are than me in those fields. In writing, in beauty, in style, in life, in any capacity... I don't think I measure up and more often than not it makes me wonder why I try because their they are and they have more skill than I do so who am I to continue to try to work on those things?

This envy of my friends and loved ones is probably the greatest thing I dislike about myself, because it only furthers to keep me from living my life for myself and connecting to people. Of course I want my friends to succeed, I just wish I felt that I could succeed too, and I don't.